From Trauma to Triumph: How Personal Growth Can Transform Your Leadership

anding my emotions. I'm not, [: 00:09:00

I, Learned to understand the psychology behind my behavior and other people's behavior. And that's if I were to put a pin on, what has been that sort of journey that has gotten me to this level that where I am today and has helped me interact and influence and lead people more effectively.

It's better understanding emotional intelligence and social intelligence.

Dr. Jim: I'm really interested in that perspective that you brought out because it's not something that we've directly. Addressed in previous conversations. Now, you mentioned that the big thing that was a game changer for you was realizing that you have to work on yourself.

What's the story behind that?

Cesar Lostaunau: It was [: 00:10:00

And I just went through a shock that I had never an adult really that I had never ever felt before. And that's when I started really Doubting myself, doubting my relationships, doubting who I was as a person. So it was very, it was trauma, if I were to bottom line it, that forced me to think differently and look introspectively and start my personal growth work journey.

It wasn't until I went through that. And as I think about others that I've coached, mentored and seen, sometimes it's very real trauma. That gets us to move on things that gets inspires us to even think broader than, what is going on in our world. That was a personal setback. But guess what?

at I had going on in my head [: 00:11:00

So simply put, it was trauma.

Dr. Jim: I appreciate you sharing that. And I think your point about. In your situation, it was trauma that provided the impetus. I think for a lot of our listeners, they are in the mid career stage of of their professional life.

And they're probably just on the cusp of becoming a leader. So when you look at doing some work on yourself in preparation to become a leader. What are the questions you should be asking yourself to gauge how ready you are to take on that role as leader?

one question that I believe [: 00:12:00

Is asking themselves if they're growing or learning with what they're doing. I fundamentally believe that no matter what happens in your world, if you don't have a growth mindset, if you think you're done with maybe your undergrad or maybe a couple certificates and think that's all that it's going to take to be successful.

I second guess that because I think that to me, demonstrates a limited mindset as opposed to a growth mindset. So I always think that, and I'm always asking myself, I'm always advocating others to think, okay, how can you grow from this experience? What else can you do? If you're in a certain position at a certain point in your life at work, or even in service of your community, think, okay, How can I learn?

And sometimes that's not so [: 00:13:00

Dr. Jim: I love conversations about growth mindsets, just because I think it's an important mindset shift that everybody needs to go through. 1 of the areas where I think a lot of people struggle is just simply thinking in those terms. And I go back to my early to mid career stage where you were essentially on in survival mode.

hinking that they need to do [: 00:14:00

Cesar Lostaunau: Two things. One, I surrounded myself with growth minded leaders. My mother always used to tell me in Spanish growing up. Dime con quien eres. Tell me who you're hanging around with and I'll tell you who you are. And that's when I took note of that more deliberately to say, you know what, who am I really hanging around with?

Are these growth minded people? And as and probably many of your listeners have experienced, who you're hanging around with can dictate. what you get involved with, the opportunities that you're gonna ask, or maybe even the opportunities that you don't get asked to take advantage of. So that's the very first thing is I made deliberate choices about making sure that my inner circle and people that I surrounded myself had that growth mindset.

k that has taught me into my [: 00:15:00

The second thing that I did was, and I learned this actually from the people I started hanging around with that were growth, more growth mindset, Minded versus scarcity mindset was ask them what books they read. What what were they listening to in terms of podcasts? For example, the podcast and the work that you do is something inspirational that I'm always advocating for.

So I appreciate that because it gives me a source to give my mentees and folks that I get to sponsor and work with, but. Awesome books. And if you're not in the book reading or you don't have time, the audible app or your library may have something that's free, but that's been really refreshing when I'm at the gym, just listening to more positive mindset.

ed me crystallize how I need [: 00:16:00

Dr. Jim: All of what you mentioned is really solid, but I want to wind this back to what your mom said. Show me who you hang out with and I'll show you who you are. That's an important sort of mantra or statement that everybody should have in mind. You should be surrounding yourself with people who you want to be down the road.

That's a good, exercise and modeling. We opened the conversation when we're talking about the drama circle and when you're thinking about building a high performance team. What is the drama circle and what should you be doing to get yourself out of it or avoid it?

Cesar Lostaunau: I learned about

am members, it could be your [: 00:17:00

Or a persecutor role. That's a second notion or a rescuer role through my work that I've realized those three different components of the drama triangle. I realized that sometimes I was playing the rescuer mode and how that wasn't self serving or I was playing the persecutor mode and that wasn't self serving in circumstances.

r mode, persecuting someone, [: 00:18:00

That they take full responsibility of that. And sometimes you have to identify that with them to say, Hey, what's behind that anger. Why are you persecuting me or others through this work, identifying that labeling for them, helping them understand that they're in a specific role, probably triggered through something that didn't go as planned, or maybe something else in their life and help them understand the needs to take responsibilities of their action.

And to really own whatever that solution is, not, for example, be in persecutor more mode throughout the rest of the lives because of trauma that they experienced earlier in their childhood. And sometimes that's where getting professional help, maybe getting therapy, maybe it would help them, but in.

t and help them get away and [: 00:19:00

Why, for example, they didn't meet their goals.

Dr. Jim: I like how you frame that out. One of the things that I'm thinking about, if you were to do that as a leader. Is getting people to the point of even hearing that message or accepting what's being said. If you're in a leadership position, and people in your team, assuming any 1 of these roles there's got to be some blockers that sit.

In front of that, before that person is ready to even hear that message. So what have you noticed works particularly well in getting those blockers out of the way?

Cesar Lostaunau: Coaching is the first thing that comes to mind, Dr. Jim, I think you're absolutely right. People don't necessarily know that they're in the victimhood row because they maybe didn't don't understand that the drama triangle is obviously a model that helps compartmentalize that.

ning open, asking open ended [: 00:20:00

What did you do to meet your goals? How did you plan for those goals? Those open ended questions that help that person understand what responsibility they had. To accomplish their goals and or not accomplish their goals could be eye opening to them. And that's why I love about the coaching world as a leader.

And, pursuing it through a certification like I did. One of the most instrumental. skills that I've acquired as a leader is those coaching skills to help people emerge and see for themselves that they're playing a victimhood as an example, why they didn't meet their goals, whatever that may be.

o their own self reflection. [: 00:21:00

And most importantly, what are the questions is going to trigger them to realize the responsibility that they have in not accomplishing their goals. In that particular example, could be the eye opening aha moment for that person to say, you know what, I'm going to do things differently next month to meet my goal.

Dr. Jim: I like the application of the Socratic method that you're just talking about where you're just asking questions to open up potential paths forward. So Caesar, really interesting conversation so far. I think we've covered a lot of ground. We've obviously talked a little bit about what the drama triangle is, what you need to watch out for, why it's important to watch out for it, and also what you should be doing from a career navigation perspective.

evaluate this way? If you're [: 00:22:00

Cesar Lostaunau: I think there's an internal component of what you should be thinking and considering, and there's an external component too. Internally, I would encourage a leader to do their own self reflection, their own personal growth work, to help them better understand some of the concepts that we talked about earlier.

Read the books go to YouTube, further understand, gosh, take the whole action by enrolling in a program, a certificate program, a graduate program, whatever it takes to really. Better understand the concepts that I mentioned so that you could really be a subject matter expert and serve your teams rightfully.

people you hang around with, [: 00:23:00

I love to share what I've learned and honestly, it helps me even reinforce. What I've learned and put it to practice. So maybe even it's a given you as a leader an opportunity to actually conduct a workshop about what you've learned. I've been blessed with those type of opportunities when I come back to my leader and say, Hey, just learn this concept.

I love it. Here's a skinny on it. I would love to share this with the rest of the team. Can I get a platform to do that? Excellent. We have an HR summit coming up. Why don't you go ahead and share a little bit about what you've learned so that we could cascade this down to others and others can learn slowly but surely.

But just take those actions internally and externally and I think you're on the right roadmap to success.

Dr. Jim: The last point that you've made about learning in the open or building in the open, which is once you've learned something, you want to at least get it, figure out how you can get a platform.

So you can share that out. [: 00:24:00

I appreciate you hanging out with us. For those who are listening that want to continue the discussion, what's the best way for them to find you?

Cesar Lostaunau: Would love the chance to interact with anyone, honestly. LinkedIn is my go to source. My LinkedIn profile is up to date linkedin. com backslash Cesar Lawson now, and would love to connect with anyone, or they could just simply Google me.

I'm sure they'll find me. I'm deliberate about my online presence, so you can catch me several ways.

Dr. Jim: Thanks for hanging out with us and sharing with us your insight. When I think about the conversation that we had, there's a couple of things that I want to call out that I think is important for anybody listening to understand if you're moving down that path of becoming a leader.

oving down that path of even [: 00:25:00

The central point in this is that. You're never going to be able to maximize the impact that you can potentially have until you do the work of understanding yourself at a deep level and recognizing where your blind spots are. So if you want to be elite at anything that you do, that that almost seems like a fundamental requirement that you need to take.

The other thing that I take away from the conversation, Caesar, is that in today's day and age, It's not enough to just learn stuff. The key thing that you mentioned at the tail end of the conversation is that you have to look for those opportunities where you can put it into practice and really.

need to have in place. So I [: 00:26:00

If you liked the conversation, leave us a review. Tune in next time where we will have another leader hop on the show and give us their game changing realizations, which help them build high performing teams.